“Body after Baby…”

My baby is proof that I used to be reasonably attractive.  She’s pretty cute, so it stands to reason that her parents are reasonably attractive people, right?

 (although I have seen some unattractive people make some cute babies, and vice versa.  Let’s admit it: we all have.)

  Before I got pregnant I was looking pretty good.  I had just lost 30 pounds and again, felt reasonably attractive for a woman nearing 40 years old.  I had finally conquered the little fat, tuba-playing kid I grew up being.  (yes, I played the tuba. for real. in the band.)  I was mountain biking, uphill and off-road.  I was hiking all the time, working out like a fiend 6 days/week and in general feeling pretty good about myself and the way I looked. 

 

Fast forward to February, 2012.  Pregnant.  And from there all my hard work started to unravel in spectacular fashion…

I only gained 30 pounds while I was pregnant, but after a traumatic birth that left me feeling entitled to any comforts I felt I deserved after having gone through such a harrowing ordeal, I gained back every pound I lost while in the hospital.

Cinnamon rolls.  Lots and lots of them.   They are not your friend.

So, take a good, healthy dose of post-partum depression, add a liberal sprinkling of self-loathing, a few cups of new-mom-induced anxiety and mix in a few weeks of sleepless nights and you have the recipe for a hot mess.  Yup, that was me.

At about 12 weeks post-partum I took the plunge and stepped onto the scale.  And absolutely pooped my pants.  Upon further inspection, my hair was dry and frizzy, my skin was blotchy and my eyes were red from either crying or not sleeping.  To top things off, Charlotte and I were in a race to see who could grow the most chins.  I’m still winning.  And somewhere, a baby kangaroo is hopping around looking for it's pouch.  If you see him, send him my way. 

It’s a testament to my husband’s character that we’re still married.

Now, I read somewhere that Victoria’s Secret model Miranda Kerr got into shape after having a baby by eating two handfuls of protein a day.  That’s it.  And most celebrity moms have a trainer to put them through their paces, a nanny to watch baby while they are working out 4 hours/day, and a chef to cook them delicious and healthy meals.  Not so me.  Or anyone I  know.

A client told me that breastfeeding was a great way to lose the pregnancy pounds.  Yeah, it’s great if you have a milk supply that hasn’t been compromised by emotional trauma and medication.  So that was a no-go too.   

But I’m generally not one to make excuses, so I made up my mind to get the weight off and get healthy, for myself, my marriage and my daughter.  I stopped comfort-baking, started eating more salads and lean protein, and started working out 5x/week.  How foolish I was. 

Turns out that was just enough to maintain my weight.  I did this for a month and lost nary a pound.  Not a one.

Emergency measures must be taken.  Enter the Breville JE98XL.  After watching Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead a couple weeks ago, I decided that only by eating FAR FEWER calories and working out MUCH HARDER will I achieve the results that I am seeking.  So we’re going to juice every day for lunch and then eat a healthy dinner.  Oh, and we’re buying a treadmill too so I can start running at home. 

 

Yes, it would be cheaper to invest in a running stroller but we live in Lakewood, home of the pitbull-at-large.  Not even kidding.  I carry pepper spray when I go for walks around here.  It sucks.  I tried to go for a walk the other day and I turned the corner off our street and there was a huge pitbull just hanging out in the road…

 

He looks cute, but he wants to eat your baby.   And you.

But I digress...

I am completely committed to doing whatever it takes to get healthy again.  And you can all keep me accountable by asking me how it’s going.
 

But hopefully that won’t be necessary.  Turns out, wanting to see this little girl grow up is all the motivation I need.